A series of letters from a 17yr old female
November 21st, 2001
>I would like to know what gauge of my abilities this spell is.
Ok you're not going to like this but it's impossible to gauge someone's magickal ability simply by reading his/her spell-work. The only way to tell how much magickal/psychic ability someone has is to look at his/her aura and then check the pranic tube to see how well connected up it is and how good of a conduit for energy it is, and then compare that with the amount/degree of personal will-power the person is able to exercise in his/her activities (and more specifically in/during his/her use of energy). While the spell you wrote is alright, I just can't use it to try to determine amount or degree of talent in you. The only way for someone like me to do that would be to see you in person and then see you 'in action' magickally.
Regarding spells: I don't know if you know this already, but for the most part spells are 'just words' on a page (that's why I usually laugh when I see people begging for 'spells' to accomplish their goals in internet forums - because spells are so personal, most will only work well for the person who wrote them due to the ability of words to stir the emotions). They don't contain the power to actually create change in conformity with the will: YOU do. You won't even need them really, once you learn to spontaneously invoke/channel energy and then direct it in accordance with your will (you'll have to read my website for more info on that). In the beginning stages of learning, it can be helpful to use the words from a poem/spell to help excite the emotions so as to lend more psychic oomph and mental focus to your workings, but after a while you'll probably find that they're unnecessary.
Magick is, at its core, a psychic activity. From what I remember when first starting out, it's easy to get lost in the trappings i.e. props, tools, spells, books, robes etc. Just try to remember that you really don't need any of that stuff at all to be effective, and you'll be able to see them in their proper perspective; as tools to assist you to focus your will. They're fun, but they're just tools.
If you're finding spells interesting, then you might try looking around your area for a legitimate Wiccan group to learn from for a while. You may find after spending a couple years with them that Wicca isn't for you, but in the process you'll probably pick up a decent foundation for future practice and study. Make sure that any group you join consists of EXPERIENCED practitioners - NOT people your own age if you can help it. You'll learn far more by studying under an older person (40's - 50's age range). Of course, don't allow anyone to talk you into ritual nudity or sex - if they try then you'll know they're just manipulative fakes and are best avoided. Also, try to avoid the fluffy-bunny wannabe's of Wicca. They're easy to spot by all the happy/love/SilverRavenBucks garbage they spew. A real Gardnerian or Alexandrian coven will probably offer more serious info to read than that. (Check my Books page for suggestions.)
If you decide to go back to your Jewish roots in the future, you might find
the Kabbalah a useful area of study. Most people never realize it, but Judaism
has a long history of mysticism and magick practice - in fact, most of our modern
magick knowledge is based on it (Kabbalah was borrowed by Hermetic practitioners,
Golden Dawn based most of their work on Qabalah and other renaissance magick
texts, Crowley got his foundation in Golden Dawn, and Wicca is based primarily
on those roots with lots of borrowing from Eastern philosophies which have additional
parallels with mystical Judaism etc.). Personally, I think Aryeh Kaplan and
Gershom Scholem are about the best authors on the subject of authentic Jewish
November 27th 2001
>I foresee a future in which science and magick have advanced and merged
You may be a little late for copyrighting that idea - several people have already foreseen the magick combined with science idea, including myself when I was around your age (which makes me think that having this idea might be a necessary step in a certain path of personal evolution which also makes me remember that people tend to attract others who are similar in some way). There are a few books out that discuss related concepts including "The Tao of Physics" by Fritjoff Capra (I think that's the one), which talks about how the modern physicists are now coming to the same conclusions about the nature of reality that ancient mystics have had for centuries. There was also a program on The Learning Channel a couple years ago that had psychic predictions (from people undergoing hypnosis and being progressed forward into their future incarnations) that mentioned technological advancements where machines and psychic abilities merged in the way you've described. American scientists had a few experiments after WWI I think (can't remember - you'll have to look up things like the Mauntak project and Philadelphia Experiment I recall something about strapping a psychic into a device and amplifying his/her mental frequencies to produce physical effects). Other related authors and people to look into might be some of Timothy Leary's ideas on the merging of computers and personal consciousness (he was a bit of a weirdo but the thought was there), and maybe some of the fiction of Robert Anton Wilson. Additionally, the Chaos Magick culture has had loads of books and material on merging science with magick (as well as experiments you can try - see Psychotronic devices) that you might enjoy looking into :)
Regarding Chaos Magick - it's most effective after you've already built a good foundation in at least one system of practice/study. I often see people using chaos magick as a cop-out for not wanting to first go through the effort to get good at any one thing. As a 'style' that isn't a style, chaos magick concepts are pretty good for learning to go beyond a system once you've first mastered one, and I feel they work best when used in that way.
>Both have fantastic powers, but they work with different parts of reality. science is the study of matter, magick the study of energy...Merging, they will create a glorious world we cannot even imagine now
Yep - the next 600 years will be interesting to watch. It's going to take a few generations before reality starts looking seriously warped compared to our present perceptions, but it's happening little by little.
>But this world is...one of my dreams...but [I] would like to know I set in motion events that will produce it
Just by having the thoughts themselves you will have helped to set much in motion. There is an idea shared by Kabbalists that if one person elevates his/her consciousness to a considerable degree of spiritual advancement, then he/she will have the effect of assisting in the evolution of all people as an indirect result. Nowadays we know (almost conclusively - I think there's still some debate) that such things as the collective unconscious have some forms of proof in the experiments done on monkeys with learning new tools. In one experiment I remember reading about a group of monkeys in a laboratory were being taught to make and use a new tool. Interestingly, a group of that same species of monkey several hundred miles away in the forest would start learning to make and use that same tool shortly after! The explanation given for that was that there must be some form of collective unconscious or mental frequency they were tapping into. Personally, I tend to go along with the idea since I've seen so many times where I or someone I know would come up with an idea only to find out that someone else was tapping into that same mental/astral frequency and came up with the exact same idea (imagine how upset I was after writing a song several years back only to have some group come along on the radio 2 months later playing virtually the same riff - that's what started me thinking about that whole thing )
So, if you take that type of evidence as proof that your thoughts and actions can be of immense help to your fellow humans then it really doesn't matter if you're famous, publicly recognized for your achievements, seen as a direct contributor, or even live to see the event occur, does it?
I like to use that example to temper the frivolous desires for recognition within my own ego/persona so I don't get too far off-track in my work.
>All this is a measure of my youth, my ego...
As I mentioned though, you might not be the very first person to have had ideas of magick being combined with science, but that doesn't preclude you from [producing] your own take on it. In fact, I encourage it! [For example,] fiction is one of the greatest types of literature since it can serve as inspiration for science and technology. Just look at Jules Verne writing about travelling to the moon - a century later, people did it. The future probably lies in the hands of the poets and dreamers more than it does the scientists. It takes an imagination to first get the spark of an idea. Almost any intelligent person can spend hours reasoning out ways to make that spark a reality provided he/she has enough education, but the hard part is first creating (or receiving?) the completely new and original idea.
I'm not so sure I believe that all ideas, no matter how seemingly original, always come from a person's own consciousness. We're so much like astral radio receivers that it's hard to tell where an idea truly comes from half the time.
January 8th 2002
>Hey Amoris. I would very much like to know any shielding and cloaking/invisibility practices you've got in your repetoir,
A lot of people might like to know that, but I'm only willing to disclose an amount to each person according to how much I know and trust him/her and according to his/her needs and abilities. (I know that sounds harsh, but it doesn't do any good to tell someone something he won't understand yet or that he will just misuse for selfish purposes.)
All that aside, here are 2 methods for invisibility that I think you'll be able to make use of immediately if you do the necessary reading and practice:
1. The "I'm not here" method. I think I said something about this once in a past post on Real Magick. Basically just tell yourself that you're not here and [make yourself] BELIEVE IT (that's the tricky part). Try to imagine that the room you are in is empty - visualize an empty room without you in it, and pretend that all anyone would see if they looked into the room is an empty room. After a while, you'll start to feel a bit out of phase and maybe a little zoned-out. Obviously this technique won't make you physically invisible, but it will make you psychically more unnoticeable. Pay attention to the feeling you have while 'not being here' and learn to duplicate it spontaneously whenever you need it. You'll know it's working when you can stand in a busy hallway somewhere and have people bump into you accidentally. Their eyes may see you but their minds won't register you as anything memorable or important.
Note: this technique relies on 'feeling' - if you can achieve the out-of-phase sensation of viewing the room you're standing in from your eyes but not 'feeling' like you're physically in it, then the necessary energy changes (which I won't go into online) will have taken place.
2. The "egg of darkness" method. If you've read or ever seen that huge book by Israel Regardie on the teachings and rituals of the Golden Dawn, then you've probably seen their ritual for invisibility. The basic concept behind that was to create an egg or shell of darkness that would envelope and make you psychically unnoticeable. The advantage of something like this is that it functions sort of like a construct/thought-form/astral structure that you can summon around you at will, and thus helps you conserve energy since it's something that was created ahead of time and not on the spot. To learn how to create thought-forms and astral structures, read my file on Energy (in Basic Magick - to learn how to channel and use energy spontaneously), and then read the file on Constructs and Thought-forms at my website (in the Advanced Magick section).
If you try method #1, don't just try it once and give up on it. You will need to practice it every day for weeks before it becomes effective and immediate. Also, you may notice that staring at people while you're invisible tends to 'break the spell' and cause them to notice you. That's caused by [unconsciously] poking people with energy via your eyes. You'll eventually learn to pull back those energy projections and not poke people with your eyes, but you may also find that it's hard to understand anything you look at without that additional input from sensing things through your eyes.
It's amazing how much we really rely on the feeling we pick up on through our eyes. Most of us think we're only 'looking' with them and getting a visual picture of something. But when that unconscious 'feeling' we get through our visual energy projections is missing, it's really noticable.
>as I have some problem with fear and insecurity and that is causing problems.
Never [give in to] fear. It's one of the biggest enemies and probably the hardest thing to conquer (I sometimes doubt that it's completely conquerable). The toughest battles are always with aspects of one's self (one's own weaknesses and/or repressed shadow aspects).
>Other than that it takes the juice out of my workings and makes me afraid to try new ones(even the protection spell posted by lady andromeda), I'm worried it might attract very negative entites (and people). And in a vicious cycle this makes me more afraid.
That's the snowball effect of the subconscious and internal dialogue. You can counteract that by repeating positive present-tense phrases that emphasize the way you would rather be instead (see my file on reprogramming the subconscious at my website).
>I'd really like to have a teacher and an energy healing.
I wish I could help you directly there but I'm just too far away [to commit to something like that]. However, you could check the listings at Avatar Search for practitioners in your area.
You can search for profiles of other practitioners by city/country etc. Failing that you can try and see if your area or school has any pagan/wiccan groups - magick practitioners usually flock around those scenes. Also check out local occult stores for listings on bulletin boards.
Try to look for older more experienced people who are into styles of working that you feel in harmony with - they'll have the best information and be of the most assistance to you. Avoid taking on other newbies as your mentors (forming study groups with them is fine - just don't expect them to be able to handle every problem that comes up or to have any good answers to your questions). If you get invited to join a real lodge or group, you might want to read John Michael Greer's book "Inside a magickal lodge" to get an idea of how groups work and how to run/form/participate in one and avoid pitfalls etc.
Watch out for cults!
See my Links page for extensive info on how cults work and what to avoid. Don't neglect this last bit of advice - there are dangerous weirdos everywhere who prey on the unsuspecting in the occult world. But if you know what to look for you can avoid them in most cases.
February 19th 2002
>Now is a time of crisis in my life...I didn't do
my homework again. I don't feel ready for
>college, but I'm in my second semester, floundering. Everyone wants to help me, educate me, make
>me happy, but their idea of help is killing me. They expect more of me than I'm ready to provide. I
>feel like I'm being pressed hard against a wall or tube and my head hurts. I don't feel like I belong
>here. I'm so delicate, frail/fragile, and everything about this environment is breaking me into shards.
>Only [in] computer art do I find peace, but it takes up time that homework demands. What's
>wrong with me? What's happening to me? I feel alone in this, I just can't solve this on my own.
Note: Although the above paragraph was quite personal, I felt it needed to be included to provide perspective (in case other readers can identify with her feelings) and make the reply more intelligible. Since her true identity has been withheld, I see no harm in this.
I know those feelings all too well. Back in college I went through those same feelings (and worse when coupled with severe depression and a world that felt like it was melting around me) many times. If it helps any, I'll tell you what I figured them to be.
From what I could reason by looking back, my mind at that time had been completely unprepared for the new life experiences I was going through. The world I lived in (perceptually) up to that point was vastly smaller and more limited in every way, and the new responsibilities thrust upon me were just overwhelming when I tried to take them all on at once. The mental picture I have in my mind that represents the structure of my psyche and the changes taking place at that time is sorta like a small energy egg attempting to grow to encompass greater levels of complexity and additional unfamiliar tasks, but practically shaking itself to pieces in the process of learning to do what is required. All of my previous programming at that time didn't seem to help me either, and that just made me feel like I didn't fit in or belong in that new 'world'. The only way to survive was to create new programs and adapt to (thus becoming part of through participation) my new environment. If any of that sounds familiar to you, then you can be assured that you're going through an adjusting process (adjusting to college life and learning to deal with new responsibilities) and that with a little time, and by taking on each task one at a time instead of all at once, you'll grow to be able to handle them. It's like when an animal is transplanted from one environment to another and it freaks out at first, but in a few weeks it's fine.
One other thing that you might want to look out for is noticing and dealing with past programming and mental/emotional issues that get stirred up as a result of your new environment. (heheh welcome to yet another path of Initiation. Our environments usually affect us and force personal growth whether we want it or not. The physical realm is a great mirror for reflecting our inner selves back to us.) Speaking from my experience with myself, not doing homework was sometimes part of an unconscious resistance to accepting responsibility (and thus becoming a full adult). I didn't want to move forward in life, I actually wanted to return to the stability of home and the security of the social contacts I had from high school. My reasoning was, unpleasant though the past seemed, it was at least predictable and 'known' to me. Things that are known are always less scary and more manageable than things that aren't. My future was a wide-open frightening sea of uncertainty, and I was afraid of stepping out into it for fear that I'd sink and drown. I remember engaging my mind in many other enjoyable pursuits (such as computers and music) to avoid my responsibilities every chance I could get.
Ultimately, it wasn't the new responsibilities that I was avoiding. I was actually avoiding facing aspects of myself.
All physical human action or lack of action has its basis within human thought - so if we're having trouble acting or responding physically to our environments in any way, then it's usually an indication of some inner problem that needs attending. It might just be that new programming needs to be created to deal with the new tasks, or it could be that past programming is getting in the way of completing new tasks.
BUT, to make a long story short and before I get too carried away with myself and turn this into a novel, no matter how bad things get, as long as you concentrate on what needs to be done at any one moment and silence your mind so as not to worry yourself into oblivion, everything will work out fine. If you're not meditating already then you might benefit from doing something such as the Four-fold breath while attempting to maintain mental inactivity for several minutes at a time (focus only on the mental counting during that and similar breathing exercises - that'll work). Taking a time-out such as meditation should give you just the kind of mental break you need to be able to continue on and do the things you need to do. I have the four-fold breath exercise on my website if you need it.